Promises to myself

As I sit here tonight on the couch, I can only wonder how long I will be able to last before my body tells me that it is time to get back into my comfy bed.  This is the time of the day that I miss most.  The kids are in bed, the dog is curled up next to me and I can finally catch up with my husband... if only I could tolerate sitting in the upright position.  I do not know when the last time I was able to sit on the couch for a whole evening and just relax.  I used to love getting into bed, but now it seems as if it is something that I am unable to get away from.  I have to start taking better care of myself.

Fibromyalgia has been out of control, and now Lupus is coming back with a vengence.  I'm not too sure what I did to start this rebellious behavior within my body.  I have been being a very good girl.  I have been trying my hardest to learn to let things go.  If there are dishes in the sink when I go to bed, if the garbage hasn't been taken out yet, if the laundry piles up, well... the walls are not going to cave in.  Do you know how hard this is for me to let things get a little bit sloppy from time to time?  I don't think its just a me thing, a woman thing, or even a mom thing.  Its a control thing!  And by the way, when did I get to be so controlling? 

You know, the funny thing is that I am controlling only in the fact that I want the house to be perfect and clean at all times.  Heck, when it comes to my children's behavior, that is completely out of control.  I am a push over.  I tell them to do something, and sometimes they listen, sometimes they look at me as if I'm nuts.  Well, not any more my dear children.  I love you very much, but its time for respect for mom.  God help me to stay strong and finally go through with this new routine.

These are my promises to me:  I promise to let others do housework and not criticize how it is done.  I promise to buy frozen meals from time to time.  I promise to follow through with the chore list for the girls.  I promise to ask Brent for help.  I have no other choice but to organize my life, as I can barely get myself out of bed, nevermind run the house by myself.