Deadbeat mothers do exist

Hello!  As you already know, I am a mom.  I have two beautiful daughters.  Alexi is my 3 1/2 year old daughter and Arianna is my 6 year old step-daughter.  I hate to use the term step-daughter, as she is really my daughter... her mother is what you would call a deadbeat, and does not contribute a single thing towards helping to raise Arianna.  I just have such a hard time coming to terms with the fact that her mother, Tiffany, comes in and out of Arianna's life whenever she pleases and Arianna is the one who has to suffer through all of the painful emotions that get stirred up inside of her. 

Tiffany left Arianna 2 years ago, as she chose herself over her family.  She moved back from Florida to New York.  There is a whole story as to why she left, but it all boils down to the fact that Tiffany wanted her own life without any strings attached.  From what I have heard, Tiffany never really cared to be a mother and always chose to indulge in herself over spending time with Arianna.  My husband is Arianna's father, and from the moment I met Arianna, it was very evident that she and her father had a bond that went beyond father-daughter.  He is her stability, her security, and her world. 

I met my husband, Brent, on December 31, 2007, just after Tiffany left.  At the same time, I was going through a divorce with Lexi's father.  Brent and I clicked right away, and our girls, despite the age difference, became friends instantly.  Brent and I have a lot of the same interests, views on life, and believe in God.  You can say that we are meant to be together, and anyone who knows us would agree. 

Lexi and I moved in with Brent and Arianna in February of 2008 (I know, very quickly!).  It is absolutely amazing how God places you in a safe place at the very moment you are about to crumble.  I became Brent and Arianna's rock, and they became mine and Lexi's.  As our household merged, an amazing thing had happened.  We had become a family. 

From the first day I met Arianna, she would talk about Tiffany.  She had told me that her mommy was in New York and would ask me why her mommy left her.  I did not know what to say.  Brent would tell her that her mommy had to go back to New York to take care of her mommy but that she loved her very much.  I could tell that Brent was hurting for Arianna.  He was always the main caregiver, but he had been forced into the position as sole caregiver, and did not know how to protect Arianna from the pain of abandonment  by her own mother. 

I stepped in, as anyone who already is a mother would do, and did my best to make sure that Arianna had everything she could possibly need that she was missing in her life.  The last thing that I wanted was for Arianna to feel like I had moved in to take her daddy away from her.  Let me tell you, God is amazing, and all had fallen into place so perfectly that to this day it seems as if I am living in a fairytale.  Arianna and Lexi are inseparable and Brent and I just got married on October 10, 2009.

Fairytales are not as they seem.  A fairytale is not a perfect life, but the perfect life for you.  Arianna still has crying spells 2 years later due to insecurities, but her life is more stable and loving than it has ever been.  She speaks freely to Brent and I about how she feels about her mother.  She loves Tiffany, however, she loves her because she is her mother, and no other reason. 

Tiffany is involved in Arianna's life only through the telephone about once a week for 10 minutes.  Tiffany does not send any money for child support, does not send Arianna letters, does not send gifts.  She contributes nothing but her voice and broken promises.  I hear Arianna playing in her room with her dolls.  She always tells her dolls that their mommy is not coming back but that it is alright because they have another mommy who loves them and will do anything for them.  Arianna is dealing with her loss at her own pace and is overall a very happy child, but I cannot imagine how this has impacted her life and if she will have any issues with self esteem in the future. 

Last September of 2008, Arianna had asked me if she could call me mommy.  As tears flowed down my cheeks, I scooped her up and gave her the biggest hug.  I didn't want to let her go.  From that day forward, Arianna has called me mommy.  Arianna's mother knows that she calls me mommy, and despite her getting upset initially, she has not done a single thing to try to regain their relationship.

I wonder what Tiffany actually thinks about the situation that she is in.  Does she even care that she has done this to Arianna?  Why does she even still call Arianna?  Is it to ease her own mind and make her feel like a better person?  Why doesn't she just give her up so that I can adopt Arianna as my daughter?  Does Tiffany even think about how Arianna feels? 

Deadbeat moms do exist, however, so does God, and he has placed our family together for a reason... because we are perfect for each other and this is our fairytale.